1. Introduction
American pediatrician, Benjamin M. Spock,1) author of The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, once remarked that his main concern in publishing childrearing book was “how to bring up children to be well adjusted and happy” (Spock, 1961: 12). By considering the intention behind the comment, however, one may infer that he also wished to make the process of childrearing happier and easier. At first glance, Baby and Child Care2) appeared to be just another mid-twentieth-century guide to raising babies and children, but upon closer examination, his message reveals a dual aim: caring for children’s well-being and training those responsible for this work. The book ultimately functioned not only as a manual for children but also as a guide for caregivers.
From the mid-nineteenth century, views of children and their development gradually began to change. In industrial society, children lost much of the economic utility they had held in agrarian society, and this significantly transformed perceptions of childhood itself. In the pre-modern era, children were viewed as incomplete adults—more precarious and vulnerable than any other group in society—and childhood was thus seen as a stage to be overcome quickly, enabling individuals to assume more mature societal roles. Contrary to this premodern view, the image of children as innocent and malleable in the modern era transformed childhood into a distinct and valuable phase of life requiring special protection (Stearns, 2003: 2-3; Mintz, 2004: 3-5).
As perspectives on childhood shifted, views on childrearing changed accordingly. This transformation was particularly evident in the early twentieth century, when scientific and medical influences on parenting became increasingly prominent from the 1920s onward. This shift initially reflected the fact that declining infant mortality rates meant that child survival after birth was no longer the paramount concern of child welfare. Attention instead turned to how surviving infants could grow and develop in healthy ways. John B. Watson’s behaviorist research,3) emerging in the 1920s, exemplifies this change by offering methods to observe and promote proper growth and development (Hulbert, 2003: 122-126). Unlike Watson, who emphasized behavioral training viewing children as passive subjects, Arnold Gesell4) saw children as organisms following a genetically programmed developmental timeline. Unlike prior childrearing theories based on physical development and expert knowledge, Gesell’s theory posited childhood as an autonomously regulated stage. This repositioned children—from objects of expert, scientific parenting—to the central focus of the rearing environment, exerting the greatest influence on Spock’s childrearing theory (Hulbert, 2003: 159-180).
Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis was another major theory influencing Spock’s childrearing approach at the time. Psychoanalysis highlighted that the neuroses adults experience is closely linked to childhood development and experiences. Freud’s psychoanalytic theory posited that failure to stably navigate the psychosexual stages everyone passes through after birth could lead to fixation at a specific stage or manifestation as neurosis in adulthood, thereby directing intense focus on childhood developmental stages and experiences (Freud, 1905: 165). However, Freud’s psychoanalysis was not a tool for or providing methods to grow into mentally or psychologically healthy adults, but a tool for analyzing symptoms. Moreover, psychiatry at the time dealt with various mental illnesses, not mental health.
Interested in child mental health, Spock, after completing his pediatric residency, sought training hospitals offering child psychiatry programs but was told no such formal education existed. As an alternative, he spent a year at the Payne Whitney Psychiatric Clinic operated by New York-Cornell University as a resident, expecting to learn child psychiatry as a pediatrician. But the clinic treated children with serious mental illnesses and had no training related to child mental development. Spock reported later that from 1933 he received about five years of training in psychoanalysis and Freudian theory at the New York Psychoanalytic Society.5) Spock gained another psychiatry-related experience while serving during World War II. Fulfilling his duty as a psychiatrist at the U.S. Naval Hospital in St. Albans, New York, he had the chance to observe “patients who were considered psychopaths” with offensiveness and reckless behaviors and compiled the case histories of them. Through this experience, Spock came to believe that the psychiatric issues arising during service were related to the recruits’ childhood upbringing (Maier, 1998: 76-78, 147-148).
His experience in the Navy emboldened Spock in his conviction of the importance of good childrearing. For him, it seemed obvious that poor upbringings led to society’s share of aggressive and maladjusted adults, who could become a threat to society. Thus, Spock’s childrearing advice and the purpose of his publishing a childrearing manual mainly focused on effective parenting as a nurturing process that would achieve successful control over children’s aggressiveness. To accomplish this goal, he sought to equip his readers—primarily mothers—with psychological and emotional strength, enabling them to raise children who could function effectively as contributors to society. Spock thus implied that parental self-discipline was an indispensable element of effective parenting. For a wholesome childrearing process and the well-being of mothers, he emphasized parents’ subtle control over their own ideas, emotions, and attitudes toward childrearing.6) Considering these aspects, the purpose of this paper is to explore how Spock, consciously or unconsciously, adopted the concept of self-control as a key tool for building a healthy and safe society, with particular attention to parental self-control. Through this approach, he paradoxically highlighted the importance of parents’ self-assurance, famously urging, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do” (Spock, 1946: 3; 1957: 3; 1968: 3; 1976: 1). Yet, even while offering this reassurance, Spock provided mothers with a wealth of professionalized advice in his ‘baby bible.’ This apparent contradiction was resolved through his underlying message: that mothers could and should train themselves to become semi-experts in parenting, learning to trust their instincts through expert guidance, self-observation, and emotional discipline.
Existing research on Dr. Spock focuses on Baby and Child Care or his medical or psychological impact on American society as a popular pediatrician, including studies on the success of parenting books, his public-friendly image and the opposite,7) and the influence of Sigmund Freud on Baby and Child Care.8) First of all, Nancy Weiss compares Spock’s Baby and Child Care to the 1914 Infant Care by United States Children’s Bureau, focusing on women’s responses to professional advice. Through this comparison, Weiss explores how the mother’s role in childrearing changed between the two periods and questions why mothers sought professional guidance while raising their own children. By examining women’s reactions to advice, Weiss shows how childrearing patterns shifted rapidly over just three generations and how “the advice structures the lives of both parents and children” (Weiss, 1977: 519-546). Also, in his 1980 article, William Graebner argued that Spock’s Baby and Child Care mirrored the cultural instability of interwar America shaped by the Great Depression, totalitarianism, and world wars. Graebner saw Spock as a social engineer seeking to reduce uncertainty by controlling childrearing. He noted Spock’s negative view of children as aggressive reflected contemporary concerns about aggression. According to Graebner, 1940s America was competitive, overly modern, and disconnected from tradition (Graebner, 1980: 612-629).
Relying on existing research, I would like to examine further the ambivalent aspect of Spock’s parenting advice from the perspective of the history of mental health. And I want to examine the cultural implications of this meaning as well. To this end, Dr. Spock’s advice to caregivers would be analyzed as a more systematic structure:1) the caregiver’s self-trust 2) self-awareness of how the caregiver feel 3) the recovery of self-control. By examining his most famous book Baby and Child Care and other publications, this paper focuses on a central paradox in Dr. Spock’s childrearing advice: his seemingly permissive approach to control, fostered through a new parenting, in fact represented a new mode of control.
Trust Yourself
Spock’s soothing attitude toward caregivers in Baby and Child Care epitomized his lifelong public image as a fatherly pediatrician. It reflected his goal of instilling self-confidence in mothers as a prerequisite for developing a maternal sense of control. Spock understood that words of reassurance did not always translate into genuine confidence. Simply telling mothers to “be more confident” or “trust yourself” was not enough to make them believe in themselves. Rather than relying solely on such assertions, Spock demonstrated his trust in mothers through his writing. He opened Baby and Child Care with empathetic remarks meant to offer comfort and warmth. Emphasizing the value of “a natural, easy confidence in themselves,” Spock wrote that raising a child would not be complicated if mothers took it easy, trusted their instincts, and followed their doctors’ guidance (Spock, 1946: 3). Furthermore, in one of his scholarly articles for physicians, Spock argued that doctors should avoid direct or implied criticism, and instead affirm mothers’ methods when they are sound—particularly when mothers assert their rights or set reasonable limits on their babies’ demands. He believed that management problems often stemmed from “the mother’s lack of assurance and her resulting inability to set reasonable limits to her permissiveness” (Spock, 1950: 1082). Spock understood that without mothers’ confidence in their ability to be capable caretakers, his guidance could not effectively take root—neither in mothers nor in their children.
Thus, Spock emphasized the importance of confidence in the practice of childrearing. Demonstrating the effects of parents’ discomfort toward their children, he argued that a mother’s self-trust itself laid the foundation for successful discipline. For instance, Spock believed that a first child might often be less sociable due to the mother’s lack of self-confidence. He noted that mothers with their first child could easily become too serious, making it difficult for them to remain relaxed. By citing examples such as a person riding a horse for the first time or a young businessman who “may be unnecessarily solemn and strict in the beginning for fear that he won’t keep control,” Spock encouraged mothers to cultivate self-confidence and to let go of the fear of making mistakes as inexperienced caregivers (Spock, 1946: 257; 1957: 309; 1968: 313; 1976: 349).
Affirming his belief in parents’ self-trust as a key element of effective discipline, Spock articulated what genuine self-assurance meant from his perspective. In an article for The Amerian Weekly, he stated, “There’s no doubt that children do best with parents who have self-assurance, who know what they think is best for their children and aren’t afraid to carry it out.”9) Without such confidence, Spock believed, smooth childrearing was impossible. When addressing the issue of over-permissiveness in Ladies’ Home Journal, he identified a lack of self-trust as the root cause of parents’ irrational reactions toward their children.
But other parents, particularly those who had been raised with more than average crossness or severity, had grown up with insufficient confidence in themselves, a bit too much irritability in their makeup, a lingering resentment against some of their own parents’ attitudes.10)
The danger of this outcome could stem from parents’ unconscious reluctance to be firm and decisive in their discipline, driven by a fear of antagonizing their child.
Moreover, parents’ self-trust enabled them to evaluate childrearing information according to their own judgment. Without such confidence, they could easily be unduly influenced by external opinions. Spock expressed this idea in an unpublished document:
But individual parents should not feel bound in advance to adhere to other people’s code even if they are the only parents who disagree. In the long run parents can only do a good job if they are convinced they are doing right.11)
According to Spock, parents “who have grown up with too little basic self-assurance have been intimidated by what they’ve read and heard.”12) Because such parents could become vulnerable to external interference, self-assurance was essential for maintaining firmness and consistency in childrearing.
Demonstrating his support as an expert, Spock sought to encourage mothers (Spock & Morgan, 1989: 135). Spock suggested that mothers should trust their own abilities, drawing on their knowledge, attitude, and common sense, which would enable them to become good mothers as they encountered new situations. Through subchapters such as “Parents are Human,” “Parental Doubts are Normal,” and “Enjoy Your Baby,” Spock sought to demonstrate his empathy for mothers’ anxieties about raising children and to suggest ways their abilities could contribute positively to the experience of childrearing. He emphasized that mothers already “know more than” they “think” (Spock, 1946: 3; 1957: 3; 1968: 3; 1976: 1).
This may seem contradictory, given that Spock provided over five hundred pages of advice containing “common” knowledge about how to rear an infant and a child. However, the purpose of his opening counsel to mothers was to instill confidence and self-trust, fostering a sense of control even as he offered further guidance. By demonstrating empathy toward mothers, he sought to alleviate parental anxieties and obsessions with being the perfect mother—barriers that could undermine their confidence and prevent them from feeling in control. Given the unexpected circumstances beyond mothers’ control, maintaining self-trust and confidence became crucial for preserving their sense of control over situations, their babies, and ultimately themselves.
Spock’s advice, even though he used a very lenient tone to convey his points, was not permissive at all. As a pediatrician with psychoanalytic training, Spock actually set up a new ideal for mothers in terms of how they could deal with difficult situations in childcare. In addition to offering useful information on how they could gain a feeling of control over the problems they might encounter, Spock suggested several measures of parental self-control, including adjustment of expectations, emotion management, control over reactions, and a balanced attitude. He believed that mothers could maintain their sense of control through these means.
Spock’s soothing words might have caused confusion to mothers because he was about to mention that parents needed to control their own emotions to make them well-balanced as well. For Spock, these comforting words were strategic—to appease parental anxieties with child care. After making empathetic remarks, Spock continuously came back to tell parents that they need to acknowledge their limits. Without accepting the fact that they could not be perfect in any sense, there would be possibilities that they would fail to recognize the reality that they faced, would feel guilty for being ineligible to do what they were doing, or would often just feel discontented with parenting. Realizing parental limits was for Spock an indispensable step toward a feeling of being in control, since high expectations with an ideal could prevent parents from perceiving their own reality.
Know Thyself
Another powerful but complex method Spock advocated for maintaining a sense of control was “know thyself,” particularly understanding one’s own limits. In addition to self-trust, Spock advised parents to avoid setting an idealized image of themselves as the key to successful childcare. Overestimating oneself, he argued, could cause unnecessary psychological and emotional pressure, which he viewed as detrimental to smooth childrearing. He emphasized that parents must recognize the danger of setting unrealistic standards for themselves. From Spock’s perspective, holding onto an idealized self-image could undermine parental confidence and sometimes lead to feelings of guilt by imposing too high or unattainable expectations (Spock, 1957: 4-10; 1968: 17-23; 1976: 18-24).
The greater the gap between the ideals parents set for their children or themselves and the reality they face, the more discontent and guilt they may experience. Spock considered these feelings obstacles to maintaining the pride necessary for effective childrearing. For successful control, parents needed to assess their capabilities realistically by setting balanced and attainable expectations. Idealization and overestimation of the self do not advance progress; rather, they can trap parents in a vicious cycle of low self-esteem and diminished confidence. Spock recognized that excessively high standards could damage parents’ sense of pride and undermine their confidence.
For instance, Spock dismissed the idealized image of motherhood and the notion of an “overjoyed” pregnant woman in the section “Parental Doubts are Normal.” As medical research has shown, pregnant women often experience negative feelings (Spock, 1957: 10; 1968: 23; 1976: 24). Aware of this reality, Spock acknowledged that most mothers had to give up their previous lives—which, if not entirely carefree, were at least more autonomous. He considered mothers’ negative feelings about their pregnancies and themselves as normal and temporary. After delivery, mothers could also experience “the blues” and even depression, yet they were often unaware of how common these experiences were among new mothers (Spock, 1957: 13; 1968: 26; 1976: 27). Spock sought to categorize parental doubt and negative feelings experienced during and after pregnancy as normal emotional responses common to most pregnant women, thereby normalizing these feelings and reducing stigma around them.
Considering this, Spock identified parental expectations of their babies—such as the image of a pure and fragile infant—as potential obstacles to maintaining a sense of control. The reality that babies spend much of their early time crying to express needs rather than smiling could easily overwhelm mothers. Aware of this, Spock reassured mothers that what their baby needed most was simply love (Spock, 1946: 19-20; 1957: 42-43; 1968: 4; 1976: 3). Simultaneously, by emphasizing that babies were not as fragile as often perceived, he sought to relieve parental pressure to handle their infants perfectly. He comforted readers with the reminder that an infant could “care for himself pretty well” (Spock, 1946: 21; 1957: 45; 1968: 6; 1976: 5).
Spock also critiqued the idealized notion of childrearing, arguing that parenting is not inherently a self-sacrificing endeavor destined to strain both parent and child. Recognizing the risk of parental exhaustion, he urged parents to seek respite from overwhelming demands. He asserted, “Remember that everything that keeps you from getting too preoccupied with the baby helps the baby and the rest of the family in the long run” (Spock, 1946: 118).13) By discouraging the perception of parenting as martyrdom, Spock advocated for a balanced perspective that values parental well-being. He emphasized that parenting should be a fulfilling and rewarding experience if parents adopt a healthier mindset and attitude toward their role:
Taking care of their children, seeing them grow and develop into fine people, gives most parents—despite the hard work—their greatest satisfaction in life. This is creation. This is our visible immortality (Spock, 1957: 5; 1968: 19; 1976: 20).
Emphasizing the inherent worth and profound significance of childcare, Spock aimed to foster a more positive and empowering perspective on childrearing among parents.
Since the early twentieth century, childhood has been emphasized as a crucial developmental stage for becoming a competent adult, making childrearing an essential process for producing valuable members of society and demanding highly skilled parents. Consequently, the assumption emerged that an unskilled mother could not adequately raise a child. Over time, childrearing transcended individual or family capability, rendering expert advice and child welfare interventions indispensable. Mothers increasingly had to relinquish personal expectations and adhere to expert guidance in childcare (Hardyment, 1995: 163-164).
Amid the professionalization—or medicalization—of childrearing and the increasing reliance on expert advice, Spock emphasized the crucial importance of parents trusting their own judgment and expectations. He warned parents not to “take too seriously all that the neighbors say” and cautioned against adopting their expectations (Spock, 1946: 3; 1957: 3; 1968: 3; 1976: 1). Spock noted that when parents compare their practices with those of others or listen too closely to external opinions, they risk becoming unsettled by doubts about whether they are doing things correctly. To address this, he prioritized the importance of parents developing their own standards tailored to their unique child’s characteristics, development, and personality (Spock, 1968: 10; 1976: 10).
Starting with the second edition of Baby and Child Care, Spock increasingly focused on parents’ emotional states as potential obstacles to effective childrearing. His central advice, ‘observe yourself,’ urged mothers to identify and understand the origins of their feelings. Spock believed that greater emotional awareness would enhance childcare by helping parents maintain inner stability (Spock, 1957: 7-11; 1968: 17-23; 1976: 18-24). By closely examining their emotions and uncovering the reasons behind them, parents could access their genuine feelings and better understand their mental processes. Spock’s guidance had two main emphases: preventing the repression of existing feelings and uncovering potentially repressed feelings from the past.
As a first step, Spock urged parents to acknowledge their emotions by accepting that it is impossible to maintain complete control over their feelings. He reassured parents that it was natural to feel anger in unexpected situations and to have expectations of their baby, given the many sacrifices involved in childrearing. He argued that expecting parents to have limitless tolerance and constant emotional stability was unrealistic and counterproductive (Spock, 1957: 7).14) Spock noted, “It’s the parents who set impossibly high standards for themselves, the parents who have angry feelings at times but can’t believe that good parents should, who really suffer from them” (Spock, 1957: 8; 1968: 21; 1976: 22). He further elaborated on these issues in The American Weekly, explaining how such pressures could generate guilt or lead to denial of difficult emotions:
I think a lot of psychiatrists and psychologists would be more skeptical of that advice nowadays, thinking it was based on a too-mechanical concept of punishment. They’d say that parents shouldn’t have the idea that crossness or anger at children is shameful, something to be denied and hidden. Everyone gets cross at members of his family at times and even though indignation needs to be controlled it doesn’t need to be denied.15)
Spock’s most concern, in other words, was the idealistic and unrealistic image of their own that potentially repressed or denied their feelings.16) Here, Spock highlighted that his point was not just allowing them to have a feeling of resentment but advising them to accept how and what they feel (Spock, 1957: 8-9; 1968: 22; 1976: 23).
To support this, Spock encouraged parents to observe their feelings more attentively. From the second edition onward, he introduced a section titled “Parental Doubts Are Normal,” which detailed the range of emotions mothers might experience during pregnancy and early childrearing. Addressing both negative and positive feelings, Spock emphasized the importance of recognizing that such emotions are “human and normal and inevitable” (Spock, 1957: 13), and therefore not problematic. By illustrating the variety of emotional responses parents might have toward their children, he underscored the necessity of accepting the naturalness of these feelings. He regarded parents’ emotions as crucial, given that they influence parenting styles and significantly affect children’s emotional development.
Regarding this, Spock posed a pertinent question: “Can the parent comfortably accept his cross feelings?” (Spock, 1957: 8; 1968: 21; 1976: 22). Beyond recognizing the existence of negative emotions, parents needed to accept their feelings as they were.17) A specific example of this advice appeared in Spock’s letter dated September 5, 1958, to Ms. Thomas F. Caskill, a distressed mother struggling with her baby’s colic and wakefulness.18) In his response, Spock advised her neither to suppress her anger nor to feel guilty if she lost her temper, expressing reassurance in these terms:
If you can’t get any assistance you could start by getting used to admitting (to yourself, and to your husband perhaps) the angry feelings, their inevitability, the fact that they don’t mean that you don’t love Audrey Beth. This is the most direct route to lessening your guiltiness which is the chain that is binding you and her so unwholesomely close together.19)
Accepting her feelings, in Spock’s view, was an indispensable step toward alleviating undesirable emotions, as it would be impossible for a mother to understand the origins of her feelings without self-awareness.
Spock’s message was clear: parental self-awareness through careful observation of their feelings is essential for effective childcare. He warned that repression of emotions could harm the parent-child relationship and negatively impact parental discipline. Moreover, if repressed feelings were to resurface unexpectedly, they could be detrimental to the child’s development and perpetuate negative cycles across generations. While Spock acknowledged that parental awareness supported a happier childcare experience and psychological stability, his primary concern was preventing the transmission of harmful emotional patterns to children.
The Ultimate Ends: Control Yourself
Self-control was an essential tool for parents to guide their children in a mature manner. The need for parental self-discipline presupposed the significant influence parents have over their children. As primary nurturers, parents serve as models for their children, who develop by mimicking and identifying with them. From Spock’s perspective, this process was “more than just imitation; it’s imitation because of admiration.”20) Consequently, he placed great importance on mothers’ attitudes toward their babies. Michael Sulman, drawing on Freudian theories in his doctoral dissertation, highlighted that “Spock emphasizes the fact that mothers have an essential role to play in guiding their children through their period of life” and that “the consequences of the child’s experiences during this period are critical to the child’s entire future” (Sulman, 1972: 111). Recognizing the significance of parental influence, particularly in responding appropriately to their babies, Spock viewed parents as indispensable to children’s proper development.
Mothers often needed to suppress feelings such as anxiety, anger, frustration, and surprise in front of their babies, or at least avoid displaying unstable emotions, since this could unsettle the child as well. Noting that “Sometimes the mother’s nervousness increased baby’s anxiety” (Spock, 1946: 292),21) Spock warned mothers to closely observe how their babies’ reactions emerge from their feelings. This advice directly reflected Freud’s idea that infantile anxiety caused by a mother’s frustration could have a lasting impact on the child. If mothers managed to control their negative emotions—such as anxiety and frustration—and prevented these emotions from negatively influencing the child during infancy, the child could develop greater resilience to distress (Freud, 1936: 104). Through this, Spock emphasized the critical importance of parents maintaining controlled and balanced attitudes.
To promote a proper attitude toward childcare, Spock emphasized the inevitability of parental self-control. He encouraged parents to become more aware of their emotional reactions, maintain a balanced attitude, and, whenever possible, restrain their emotions toward their babies and children. Through successfully managing their emotions and attitudes, parents could develop greater self-control, which in turn would enable more effective discipline. Drawing on psychoanalytic concepts, Spock argued that mothers must cultivate the mental capacity to be competent caregivers. He believed that parents who controlled their reactions to their babies would not only gain a greater sense of control but also exert more actual influence over their children’s development. Spock’s focus on self-control encompassed both the display of emotions and the regulation of emotions themselves as essential to effective parenting.
Accordingly, Spock asserted that restraining the unnecessary expression of negative emotions by parents would contribute to more effective discipline. By minimizing the impact of parental negativity on their children, parents could reduce the likelihood of disobedience. Specifically, in the context of bowel training, Spock urged parents to avoid displaying worry or frustration in front of their children. He explained that a child’s sense of discomfort could lead to obstinance and a tendency to say “no” to everything (Spock, 1946: 195),22) as children might perceive their parents’ dissatisfaction. To counter this, parents needed to exercise tactful patience, which Spock identified as an essential component of mature adulthood. Patience was not only a virtue but also a strategic means to maintain parental control by preventing defiance and resistance in children.23)
In addition to advising parents on controlled behavior, Spock stressed the importance of genuine emotional control in interactions with their babies and children, emphasizing that parents’ reactions and mutual exchanges significantly impact child development. He regarded emotional maturity as a key component of a mother’s self-control. Addressing potential negative emotions, Spock encouraged parents to suppress feelings of discontent and disappointment toward their babies. Urging parents to “enjoy him as he is,” Spock underscored the necessity of unconditional love for the child. He explicitly stated:
Love and enjoy your child for what he is, for what he looks like, for what he does, and forget about the qualities that he doesn’t have. I don’t give you this advice just for sentimental reasons, there’s a very important practical point here. The child who is appreciated for what he is, even if he is homely or clumsy, or slow, will grow up with confidence in himself, happy (Spock, 1957: 22; 1968: 44; 1968: 5: 1976: 4).
Spock emphasized the critical importance of a mother’s emotional control and its direct impact on her child’s emotional development and confidence. For effective childcare, Spock insisted that a mother’s presence must be more than physical—it must be infused with unconditional love. If parents responded negatively to their baby’s perceived shortcomings, the baby could sense their dissatisfaction and internalize it as a lack of confidence. Therefore, for the well-being of their baby, parents needed to overcome feelings of dissatisfaction or disappointment.
Similarly, Spock suggested that parents should control their disappointment regarding their child’s unsatisfactory progress, especially in cases like feeding problems. He advised parents to conceal their dissatisfaction when necessary and implied that restraining negative emotions was crucial for influencing their baby’s behavior and reactions positively.
Try hard not to talk about his eating, either with threats or encouragement. I wouldn’t praise him for taking an unusually large amount, or look disappointed when he takes little. With practice you should be able to stop thinking about it, and that’s real progress (Spock, 1946: 352; 1957: 426; 1968: 439; 1976: 483).
To encourage the return of a child’s natural appetite, Spock recommended that parents train themselves to curb their thoughts and feelings, even though practicing unthinking patience might seem inefficacious. He emphasized that parents should avoid showing fluctuating emotions influenced by their own judgments. Similar guidance was provided regarding bottle feeding, where maintaining composure and consistency was seen as vital for successful feeding practices:
I don’t mean that you have to snatch the bottle away for good the first time your baby pauses. Some babies like to rest a bit several times during a feeding. But if he seems indifferent when you put the nipple back in his mouth (and it’s not due to a bubble) then he’s satisfied, and you should be, too (Spock, 1946: 352; 1957: 426; 1968: 439; 1976: 483).
This remark gave the impression that no matter what feelings parents could have, they should be satisfied if their baby is.
As examined above, the significance of Spock’s advice lies not in the debate over its permissiveness but in his focus on how parents might manage self-control. His recommendation to distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable factors effectively alleviated feelings of helplessness and parental inadequacy. By fostering greater self-knowledge, mothers became more aware of their individual and situational limits, realizing that many aspects of parenting were beyond their control. This awareness could help reduce anxiety and provide emotional comfort, enabling parents to experience a greater sense of control during childrearing. However, Spock’s emphasis on self-observation and self-discipline presupposed that parents were capable of deep self-awareness. At the same time, he appeared not to anticipate the risk that some parents might suppress their genuine feelings and distress through the process of Spockian childrearing.
Conclusion
Spock’s views on parental self-control underscore the necessity of emotional maturity in cultivating healthy parent-child relationships. He advocated that parents engage in self-observation to enhance their self-regulation, recognizing that a lack of maturity could damage the relational bond. Beyond self-discipline, Spock highlighted practical aspects, such as fathers spending quality, non-authoritarian time with their sons. He cautioned against paternal roles centered on constant criticism or displaying discomfort, which he believed would harm the father-son relationship. Instead, he encouraged enjoyment of shared moments without an exclusive focus on educational or practical outcomes. This approach reflects Spock’s broader emphasis on warmth, mutual respect, and emotional balance as foundational to effective parenting and positive familial interactions.
Although Spock’s advice was often criticized as overly permissive, with accusations that he encouraged spoiling children, his primary intent was to promote a balanced approach to parenting that fostered intimacy between parents and their babies. Spock made clear that maintaining a consistently friendly demeanor was not ideal for raising well-adjusted children; parents must also exhibit firmness. He cautioned against speaking kindly to a child regardless of their disagreeable or unreasonable behavior, warning that such indulgence could be detrimental to the child’s development (Spock, 1946: 268). Despite these explicit qualifications, critical responses focused on the perceived leniency of his advice rather than its nuanced call for balance between affection and discipline.
The power of Spock’s advice lay not in debates over permissiveness, but in his focus on helping parents manage their own self-control. He urged parents to differentiate between controllable and uncontrollable factors in parenting, thus reducing feelings of helplessness and incompetence. By fostering greater self-knowledge, mothers became aware of their individual and situational limits, accepting that many aspects of childrearing were beyond their control. This awareness provided emotional comfort and eased anxiety, enabling parents to experience a greater sense of control and confidence in childcare.
Spock’s advice openly rejected the notion of the perfect mother, emphasizing the importance of parents caring for themselves. However, paradoxically, his guidance established a new ideal for parenting. As a respected pediatrician, Spock wielded major influence over parents, even as he sought to downplay his authoritative role. His approach combined empathy—acknowledging parental feelings—with implicit directives on how parents should behave, albeit framed permissively. This duality often gave rise to the perception that, despite his friendly persona, Spock was still prescribing behavioral norms, leveraging both his professional authority and widespread popularity among parents.
Spock once emphasized the importance of maternal confidence, stating, “The most that doctors and nurses can do is create an atmosphere in which the mother can believe in herself, and then depend on her own intuitive reactions” (Spock, 1987, p. x). This statement suggests that Spock’s primary focus was not on instilling professionalized parenting skills but rather on fostering key qualities such as self-trust, self-control, particularly over aggression—and autonomy in mothers. His aim was to enable mothers to adapt effectively to the demands of modern society. This intention reflects Spock’s consistent advocacy for empowering mothers with an attitude of confidence and selfreliance in childrearing.
However, mothers who constantly attempted to control their emotions often became more vulnerable to uncontrollable emotional states. Spock’s emphasis on emotional regulation reflected his conception of the ideal adult as someone fully capable of functioning effectively within American society and simultaneously raising a well-adjusted child. By establishing this new ideal—one that paradoxically included the acceptance of imperfection—Spock may have inadvertently generated frustration among mothers, heightening their anxieties and complex emotions surrounding childrearing.
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